


Trost

by DasIchigo



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Backstory, Hurt/Comfort, Mentioned Isabel and Farlan - Freeform, Shingeki no Kyojin: Kuinaki Sentaku | Attack on Titan: No Regrets Spoilers, Talking, mention of blood and death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-27
Updated: 2018-02-27
Packaged: 2019-03-24 22:10:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13820466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DasIchigo/pseuds/DasIchigo
Summary: Eren and Levi both were seeking some peace and quite in a forest at night and meet each other.What is going to happen? Will they be able to find a little bit of comfort in each other?-No yaoi or romance, only if you squint maybe





	Trost

The sun has already set a while ago, revealing a beautiful full moon, shining brightly above the old castle and wrapping it in a cold, white light like an unwanted embrace, adding a nearly mystical look to it.  
Clouds slowly hovered north, pushed there by the freezing wind and hiding the beauty of the stars that sent their lights from millions and millions of miles away to earth.  
The darkness of the night was covering every sound coming from the nearby forest. It was so cold, dew hung in the grass and spider webs under the castles roof as the night and its darkness swallowed the land. Birds’ beautiful voices quieted down hours ago, leaving the world in a complete silence, quiet but not uncomfortable.

One might think at a time like this everyone would be asleep, seeking comfort in the warmth of their beds, faces nuzzled into a soft pillow and breathing evenly in the joy of a dream in a faraway land. A better place than the world the living dwelled in, maintaining their everyday life in this painful reality no one can escape from, which itself looked like an oh so beautiful nightmare during quiet nights like this.

Most People would fit into this description, sleeping soundly in their luxurious city houses. But this counted the members of the survey corps out. The ones fighting for humanity, offering the their dear lives for the greater good and sacrificing everything they had just to maybe, yeah maybe bring humanity a little bit forward in this seemingly endless battle against an enemy stronger than one can imagine. Too strong to be beaten by such a weak species like the human race is.

 

_Maybe the whole human race isn’t able to beat this enemy._

 

_But maybe, just maybe two single soldiers are._

 

One of them is nothing more than thug from the city hidden in the underground beyond wall Sina. A city that was governed by the rule of survival of the fittest, where only the strongest had a small chance of living, without being able to luxuriate in the gentle warmth of the suns light even once. Unable to look up into a magical night sky, filled with a crescent moon and gorgeously glowing stars that illuminated the countryside. Missing this magical moment of a shooting star passing through the firmament, and incapable of seeing the breath-taking twilight and sunrise’s glory. A sky so beautiful it wasn’t comparable to the always dark stone ceiling of the underground in the slightest way.

Only a few were able to withstand the cruelty of the underground. Many people get sick due to the lack of sunlight, others starve to death. Gaining money down there wasn’t easy and the charge for going up those unreachable stairs and enter the upper city is increasing every day. Even if one would be able to collect the needed amount of money, without an official permission to stay, they would be caught by the military police and sent back down immediately.

Not many people were able to leave the abandoned city and spend the rest of their lives on the surface behind the inner walls. One of them was Captain Levi of the survey corps. Forced by Erwin Smith, he and his two friends were to join the scouting legion because of their impressive skills with the 3D-Maneuver gear they stole. But the two died on their first expedition beyond wall Maria, leaving Levi all by himself. Convinced by Smith he officially joined the scouts and made a promise to himself to never regret the choices he made.

 

_Levi Ackerman, a man who was worthy a hundred soldiers, a man who was worthy the title of “humanity’s strongest soldier”._

 

The other was still more of a hyperactive child than a real soldier. And still, the first time he killed a man was at the age of merely nine years in order to protect someone dear to him. A boy who grew up in the Shiganshina district of wall Maria. The district where five years ago the colossal titan and the armoured titan appeared and broke down the wall. About 20 percent of the human race was extinguished on this day, as he promised to kill every titan and safe humanity from destruction. Determined to keep this promise he joined the military, followed by his two friends.

His dream seemed unreachable as he found out the power of the titans he despised so much dwelled within him. But even though, he never gave up on fulfilling his promise and used his new gained titan power for the greater good.

 

_Eren Jäger, a monster with a heart of gold, a boy who was worthy the title of “humanity’s last hope”._

 

Two soldiers, as different as the sun and the moon, but still shining with the same light. Eren as the sun, feared, but still shining brightly its light to the people around him and Levi as the moon, sometimes barely noticeable, hidden behind the clouds, reflecting the suns light, but still being brighter than all the stars in the dark nights sky.

Those two were said to be the ones to safe humanity. Fighting with the rest of the recon corps outside the walls to find the reason for the titan’s appearance. The “wings of Freedom” on their backs, they were called the hope of mankind despite the little success they made.

Using the 3D-Maneuver gear they tried to kill the man eating threat by slicing their necks. On each of their missions more and more soldiers give their lives, most of them end up forgotten, dying in a titans stomach without being able to see their loved ones one more time. Some of their corpses may never be found, others were recovered to get a small burial and a gravestone with the wings of Freedom carved in it.

It wasn’t unusual for people to try finding something, or someone to blame for bad things that happened to them. Many citizens who lost a loved one in the survey corps were seeking someone responsible for their deaths. It always was in their nature to blame another for things they couldn’t deal with. And of course, they always found the one who was to charge.

For Levi, it wasn’t something new if a mother who lost their child came to him, crying, telling him it was his fault they lost their kid, or a father threatening to kill him for what he apparently did, or better, did _not_.

 

“ _They call you humanity’s strongest, so why didn’t you save them?”_

“ _More like humanity’s greatest coward, hn?”_

“ _If you are so great, why couldn’t you save them?”_

“ _You were their leader, so why didn’t you do something?”_

“ _It is your fault they are dead!”_

 

At some point Levi stopped trying to tell them, that it wasn’t his fault that people died. He grew tired of explaining it, telling them he was sorry for their loss. A part of him actually was sorry and felt bad for them, because he knew how it felt to lose someone dear probably better than anyone else.

Maybe he stopped to tell them he was sorry, but probably would never stop to collect the patches with the wings of Freedom on them from passed away soldiers and maybe give them to their families. It was just his way with coping with the fact that so many died under his command. It was some kind of prove to him that they indeed were alive once, and that they were fighting. It was his way of making sure that at least some of them were remembered in some kind of way, even if it was just him, keeping the patch. But Levi still knew one thing for sure. They will never be forgotten. There will always be someone to remember the dead.

Other than Levi, Eren was feared by nearly everyone except the survey corps members, and even some of them couldn’t put their trust in the shifter. But you couldn’t blame them for not liking Eren. He indeed was one of the monsters they tried to kill, and now he was a part of them. Some just couldn’t deal with that and it was okay.

The Problem was just that Eren actually wasn’t a monster. He was one of the kindest people you could think of and he cared deeply for everyone around him. Yes, Eren maybe could get angry really easily and maybe he wasn’t the brightest crayon in the box, but he would never give up on his comrades or humanity.

Levi and Eren were both so alike and still so different. Both so feared and hated, both so broken but still fighting proudly for the sake of mankind.

But their greatest difference was probably in their behaviour. Levi was always acting so cold hearted, like he would hate everyone and everything. He never lost his cool stature. Never smiled or laughed and never cried. Never let anything get to him, as hard as it sometimes was. Eren on the other hand was the complete opposite of that. He was loud and obnoxious. Screaming and yelling at everything he didn’t approve of and sometimes even crying from his pure rage, and let me warn you, you don’t want make someone angry who cries in anger, because those people are assured to stab you twelve times in the guts and then cry in your stab wounds if necessary. After that he would shift into the titan and kill everyone around him. But of course, that are just all the lies people came up with for him. Eren was too kind to kill anyone, other than his superior. Yes, Levi never would hesitate to kill someone if he had to. But that wouldn’t mean he liked it, of course.

 

_Maybe that is why they’re both called monsters? Why they’re both loved but also feared?_

 

Both Eren and Levi were probably the two strongest soldiers mankind had to offer, but even the strongest and most perfect people, have to break sometimes. Because it is alright to hurt at times, it is okay to miss a lost loved one and it is okay to cry for them. Both knew this, both knew it was alright to show weakness once in a while but neither of them could bring themselves to display their fragility because they didn’t want to make others worry. Both of them thought they couldn’t be seen weak so the others wouldn’t lose hope. Maybe they thought about what would happen if the two who were said to save everyone would be seen less than perfect? They couldn’t risk the possibility of the remaining soldiers or the citizens losing their hope and trust in the survey corps. Because even if everything is lost, and everything seems over, hope is what humankind always can – and will - depend on.

But even Eren, and especially Levi, had to show their sorrow sometimes. They couldn’t bottle those emotions up forever. It was just neither possible, nor healthy. So what no one knew is that both of them cried at times, from the sorrow, the loss, the fear and pressure. From the pain this life brings with it, and maybe they should find each other one day to find a little bit of comfort in one another.

 

_Maybe it happened during that beautiful night._

 

A bit outside the castle in a small forest stood the remaining of a little shed. One wall already crumbled down, together with a part of the roof. Its green, moss covered wood was mouldy and rotting away. A few white flowers grew in the high grass between the rubble and seemed to be glowing in the soft moonlight. Inside the former hunting cabin stood a wooden table and two chairs, but one of them was already missing a leg. The other one didn’t look that sturdy anymore either. On the back stood a small closet with a few broken cups and plates in it.

A small flame burned in the fireplace infront of the shed, a person sat on a tree trunk next to it. He leaned his head back against the wood and looked up at the dark sky, admiring its beauty. Levi quivered, probably should have brought a jacket with him when he decided to head out for a while. He grabbed a small stick and poked at the fire a few times before he threw it in as the flames hungrily consumed the wood. He signed. Another failed expedition. Once again they couldn’t get any information about their enemy and lost many lives.  
Levi had his eyes closed listening to the rustling of the leaves, lost in his thoughts. He didn’t even notice another person approaching as he pulled his knees up to his chest and buried his face in his arms. The other person stopped in front of him in disbelieve. Eren stared down at the raven, was he crying? No, but apparently he wasn’t the only one to seek out this place for a bit of silence.

Eren didn’t know what to do now. Should he leave? Probably. But something in him told him to stay. Of course, there still was the possibility of Levi killing Eren for seeing him in such a state but he couldn’t just go away. After all, he came here as well to just sit a bit in silence and think.

“Why don't you sit down if you're already here, Eren?”

Said one was surprised, to say the least. First of all was it for Levi highly unusual to show any kind of weakness at all, for second was he surprised that the raven noticed him with his head still buried in his knees, and third, and most importantly, his superior never called Eren by his first name. He was curious what brought Levi to his sudden change of attitude towards him. Why did he suddenly act as if they were good friends and didn't know each other just on a professional basis? Eren didn't know but decided not to question it further and sit down against a tree across Levi .  
The two of them sat there in silence for a while. It wasn't uncomfortable but still felt a bit strange to Eren. Neither him, nor Levi moved even a little bit since the younger one got there, and he started to feel a little out of place. He thought that his superior must have come here for a reason and didn't want to get disturbed by a little brat like himself. He wished, he wouldn't have stayed and went away as soon as he spotted the raven, just walked back to the castle and acted like it never happened, but then Levi spoke and Eren just couldn't turn around. So he sat down, now finding himself desperate and scared of what to do, and trying to break the ice.

As more time passed, it grew colder than either of them had thought, the small fire now not giving enough warmth anymore. Eren wondered what Levi would've done if he hadn't come here. He wondered if it was to just be alone, or to mourn, or even to cry, but he quickly pushed that thought away as soon as it hit him. It was out of the question, Levi never cried like he did. Levi was stronger than him in every way possible. And usually Eren didn't mind that. He wasn't jealous or anything like that, he just sometimes wished to be able to stay so composed and rational like the elder male did, but as hard as he tried, he just couldn't. Quiet the opposite actually, his emotions always got the better of him and he wasn't able to stop his pure rage anymore. It was pathetic, he thought when he compared himself to Levi.

“Captain?”

Erens voice was quiet and unsure. He didn't now if it was appropriate for him to talk at all, let alone in this questioning tone.

“Drop the damn formalities when we're alone, I already know what you wanna know.” With that, Levi for the first time lifted his head from his knees and looked at Eren. He looked like always. His face held no expressions at all, but if one would know the man long enough, they would see the slight hints of hurt and sorrow in those grey eyes of his, but for Eren it was impossible. The boy was alone surprised enough for seeing his captain with his head bowed and his back not straightened like always. Even if Eren couldn't exactly put his finger on it and didn't know his superior that well, he knew something was off.

“You want to know why I am here, why I am talking to you like that and why I let you of all people see me in such a state.”

Eren gulped, didn't know he was that easy to read without even been looked at. “Y-Yes... Levi.”

It felt weird for him to speak his superiors name just like that. He thought, that it would probably take a while, but he would gladly get used to this new way of talking to the other.

“Well, you see, I come here after every failed expedition, and that's actually quite often because every single one of our expeditions is failure...” He leaned his head back against the tree again, staring at the sky like he did earlier. “To be honest, I don't really know why myself, but I think it just helps me to deal with the fact that so many people died under my command, but don't misunderstand me now. I know that it isn't my fault that they died, and I hope you know, neither is it yours.”  
The brunette was a bit taken back by Levis sudden talk activity and honesty towards him but it made him feel like he trusted him, what lifted his mood a little and gave him the courage to continue talking.

“I know that it isn't my fault, but I still think if I just... if I just tried harder I could've saved them. If I were just a little bit stronger... I could've prevented them from dying... I regret that I-”

“Eren”, Levi interrupted him, “Do never regret the choices you made, always remember that in that moment it was the right decision for you, and that is what matters. Do you understand?” Levis eyes now focused on Erens so the boy would be able to see how dead serious he was. He wouldn't talk to just anybody like this, he already told him more than he thought he would ever tell anyone, but he thought Eren must have similar reason to come here and he just hated the possibility that he, who is still more like a child could feel even a little like he himself did.

_Hurt._

The brunette nodded, not really getting what Levi was trying to say but sure it must mean something. The raven seemed to notice that and continued his speech.  
“That's what Erwin told me after my first mission outside the walls.” Levi ripped another loose branch from a bush and started to poke the dying fire. “It was many years ago. My first expedition. I was a such a fool back then. Due to my idiotic pride my friends died right in front of me. To be honest, I don't know what I would have done if Erwin wouldn't have been there to slap me back into reality and told me not to regret what happened.”  
For some reason Eren knew that the thought of what must have happened back then must still hurt him, and that he hated thinking about it because he apparently blamed himself for it. But even though he wanted to know more about what had happened and what it was that let Levi think that way.  
“Tell me about it.”  
The request came out more like an order and Eren hoped Levi wouldn't notice, or get mad at him, but to his suprise the elder male began to talk again after a short glare that usually looked like it could kill whoever received it, but he apparently was too tired for that now.  
“Their names were Isabel and Farlan. We lived together in the underground. Farlan was the first friend I ever made. We were still pretty young back then, I don't remember it that much but our goal was to one day leave that rotten and filthy place and live on the outside. To see the sun and the moon, breath the fresh air and drink clean water. As pathetic as it sounds, that's why we stole tha-” 

“But it wasn't pathetic!” Eren interrupted. He was listening closely to every word the captain said as if it was the most important information in the world. Levi actually liked that, so he decided to just continue his story.

“... so that's why we stole that 3D-Maneuver-Gear from the military police. They were never able to catch us though. We started to steal thing and sell them, took assignments and earned some money for us and our friends. We thought we would actually be able to leave that damned place one day. And that's when we met Isabel, or better, she met us. We saved her from some guard thugs who wanted to do god knows what with her. We took her in and became friends. I really liked her. You actually remember me a lot about her, you two are really similar in some ways.”  
“We are?”  
“Yes, you are both two hot-headed idiots.” Eren escaped a disappointed sign and, but couldn't help himself but laugh a little. Even Levi actually enjoyed the conversation, especially the part when he could compare Eren to Isabel, when he could talk in present, as if they weren't really dead.  
“You see, we always got away when the military police chased us, but one day it wasn't the military police, but the actual survey corps, and they caught us. They offered us to join them in exchange for our lives and we agreed. But then we received an offer, to steal something from Erwin. If we were to succeed, we were free to go wherever we want. The fools we were, we agreed.” After that, Levi paused. It was like if he didn't want to remember it, as if the memory itself was too painful to be put into words. Eren though he would get up now, say he already told him more than he wanted to, but he didn't. Instead he signed and threw the branch he was still poking the ashes with into the flames and talked again.

“On our first expedition outside the walls, we finally got the chance. It began to storm and it was too foggy to even see your own hand. I decided to break away from the group, kill Erwin, get the scroll with the information and head back. But after a bit I saw titan tracks in the mud, must have passed it. So I was riding back. I remember exactly how my horse fell and I dropped to to floor and the first thing I saw was Isabels severed head. I was hoping to still be able to save Farlan, but all I could do was watch him salute in apology* before he got eaten. I was blinded with rage and took that titan apart. I killed it more times than I can remember before I finally sliced its neck. After that I waited for the other to find me. I tried to at least get the information and kill Erwin, but it was too late. I thought their deaths were for nothing and it was my fault. I felt so guilty and hurt, I couldn't even get up anymore. It was truly pathetic. After that Erwin told me to never regret the choices I made. I joined the survey corps on my own will and lived by that rule from then on.”  
Eren couldn't but noticed that he tried to rush his story in the end. He didn't want to how Levi must feel. How it felt to lose his best friends. For him it was unimaginable to lose Mikasa or Armin. They were always together, since they were children. She was like a sister to him, who always took care of him. His family adopted her after her parents were brutally murdered in front of her. It was also the day when Eren – and Mikasa – killed for the first time. They were nine back then, at it was their only way to survive. Long story short, Erens recklessness was the single reason that Mikasa was still alive to that day, and she would always be grateful for that and would always protect and love Eren. But he of course was too naïve to realize that.  
Armin as well was like a brother to him. Mikasa and Eren always helped him when he got bullied. Up to now, Eren thought the bullies ran away because of him, even if it was due to Mikasas mere appearance. No one ever had the heart to tell him that.  
The thought of losing them like Levi lost his friends brought tears to the boys eyes.

“What are you crying for, brat?”

“It's just... I can't even imagine how it would feel like to lose Mikasa and Armin... I don't know what I would do, if I could handle it, but you...” Eren whipped his tears on his sleeves, not daring to look directly at Levi anymore, who slowly raised himself from where he was sitting and brushed the dirt off his pants. He slowly walked toward the brunette and looked down on him.  
  
“Come on, we should head back to the castle. It's getting really cold.” His voice didn't hold any sign of emotion, but by holding his hand in front of Eren to help him getting up was everything Eren needed to understand Levis sympathy towards him. He took his hand and was now standing, next to Levi, sill a lot taller than him and smiled, but before Eren could thank him, Levi pulled his hand out of the grip and shoved it together with the other in his pockets and started walking away.  
  
“Don't get used to it, brat.”

Eren still kept on smiling as he quickly stumbled behind Levi. They kept walking in silence toward the castle, but now Eren didn't feel that awkward anymore. Maybe he didn't know how his superior felt towards him, or the conversation just now, but he could view Levi in a totally different light now, even if he couldn't show it because he knew his captain wouldn't tell something like he just did to anyone, and Eren was glad he was trusted enough for that, even if he doesn't understand why. He wondered if it was out of pity, or maybe because he made him remember his past away friend. To Eren, it didn't really matter.

Looking up at the sky, they both noticed, that the sun was about to set again in a few hours, but neither Eren, nor Levi cared about that. It wasn't uncommon for members of the survey corps to have bad sleeping habits, even if most of them were caused by post traumatic stress disorders or other traumas, nightmares and terrors. No one would question them for being tired in the morning, so it didn't matter any ways.

Slowly, the two figures walked towards the castle. The grass under their feet dew wet and and the air as chilly and cold as it was to be expected. The moon was slowly making it's way down the horizon, leaving the sky open for the suns light and warmth, until it again would rise in the early evening, occupying the dark sky for itself. Settling the land in peace and quite for a few hours for people to rest from their exhausting daily lives.

Just as Eren and Levi, both the sun and the moon always maintained their circle and fulfilled their tasks every day, even if no one would stop for just a moment to admire and appreciate their effort. And even if everything was lost, they would keep on fighting so no one would have to lose their hope.

_Because they were humanity’s strongest soldiers.  
Because they were humanity’s last hope._

  
  


_Because those two were humanity’s saviours._

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> So there we go agin! It actually took me a couple of months to write this, About three or four, I guess.  
> I have to admit, I myself actually like how it turned out! I had lots of fun writing it, even if it was pretty hard at times, so I hope you like it too!  
> As always, keep in mind that english isn't actually my main language and I am actually german, so hope I didn't make that many mistakes, if you find any, please tell me and I will correct them ^^  
> I'd be happy if you leave a comment!
> 
> Also, I am looking for a beta reader, if you are interested in that, for whatever reason there is, tell me!
> 
> *I know that Farlan didn't salute in the anime ova, but he did so in the manga and because I liked that part I wrote it like this q.q
> 
> *Trost just means comfort in german because I am as creative as toast when it comes to titles, I am sorry :(


End file.
